Zimbo Jam

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos." "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?

Two Brothers Nick-named
P-SQUARE sang a song
called DO ME
and Got IFUNAYA
Pregnant. They Ran to Escape
the TEMPTATION
but their BIZZY BODY
Couldnt allow them to stay
because,
E NO EASY
While Running, they ran
into DANGER
Till they began to ROLL IT
until THE GAME IS OVER.
This twin Brothers have now
Decided to trick
BEAUTIFUL ONYINYE
by telling Her, you must
CHOP MY MONEY

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

In a choir there was a discord in the song, "Mutsamba rakanyorwa rikadzimwa". The Choir master decided to group the people according to their dialect to identify the problem.

1. First were the MaZezuru's and they sang, "Mutsamba rakanyorwa rikadzimwa".
2. Makaranga, "Mutsamba rakanyoGwa rakadzimwa.
3.Matoko, "Mutsamba rochionyoriwa rochiodzimiwa.
4. and Lastly anaWasu, " Muletter wakandowritwa richindoirezwa".

If you were the Choir master what would you do?

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES--$50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop, "How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same cop in the same area when he noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he decided to catch up with them -- when he noticed the new sign which now read:
"TWO FALLEN ANGELS SEEKING PETER---$50.00."

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor’s office.

He inquisitively ask the lady,

"Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "Im having a baby."

With big eyes, he asked,

"Is the baby in your stomach?" She said,

"He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked,

"Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look,he asked...

"Then why did you eat him?"

In the back woods of Scotland, Ian's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Ian!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come yet."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

Then Ian scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to piss on our hands.

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."

So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.

Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."