Artists, friends and pseudo-comrades. I think it’s telling that at the same time that Kwesé is fighting to get its license in Zimbabwe, it is sharing headline space with stories about electrical cables and the Zimbabwe Tourism Authority chief talking about a pantyless dancer.
Twenty-four years ago Strive Masiyiwa started his historic court battle to get Econet Wireless Zimbabwe licensed. It took him 5 years to win that battle and then he went on to build a goliath of a business with a multi-billion dollar revenue and offices in 17 countries.
Then he sets up this entertainment company, Kwesé (yes, it’s spelt with that accent at the end just to show that even though the founder is Zimbabwean and the name is shona, they are now based outside the country), and wants to register it in his home country and guess what? Despite all the stamps in his passport, despite him being the leading business influencer on Facebook, despite every thing he’s built – he realises that he has moved forward alone. His country is still at the same place it was when he first tried to register Econet in 1993. If anything, it has gone down the ladder several notches.
About that underwear story. It is embarrassing that a whole tourism authority is making headlines for discussing the underwear wearing habits of a private individual. Sorry, that’s wrong, let me take that again – there is nothing private about Zodwa waBantu. It’s still embarrassing though, this thing of mentioning pantylessness and Zimbabwe tourism in the same sentence. Kaseke and Zodwa should have simply held a private meeting and discussed this panty thing alone, signed contracts about it and not made it the centre of anything, because it isn’t. There I go again. Spreading falsehoods. It is the centre of many things, but that’s not the point here.
And then Zodwa has the nerve to hit back with; “They should leave me alone, I worked hard to build a brand.” Somehow is a funny statement coming from Zodwa. I’ve seen her dancing and she doesn’t put much effort into it.
Anyway, Zodwa has confirmed that she is coming for the Carnival. The big problem for Zimbabwe in organising this whole event is not how to fund it, or how to get people to come, or how to justify its budget in the face of all the pain and suffering in the country. It’s how on earth will we check if Zodwa is wearing underwear? You can bet your last bond note though, that as she parades up the streets of Harare, many will be picking up keys and coins that will somehow keep on dropping to the ground, just.
Pseudo-Comrades, how is it possible that Gushungo Holdings won an award at the Harare Agricultural Show? Whether or not their products are the best on the market is not the issue. They should make a request to not be eligible for any competitions in Zimbabwe because no one in their right mind will sit on a judging panel and vote against them, knowing full well that Amai is close by, with her electric cable. Inini hangu, if I was a judge, I would announce them the de facto winner for all competitions going forward, just to be sure Amai would not pay me a visit.
The saddest thing about the aftermath of that Amai electric cable saga is how many people have analysed the situation deeply and written extensive opinion pieces about it. One lawyer took to Facebook to do an analysis of the diplomatic immunity status ya Amai. That’s why we are always hustling for the next dollar maZimba. Too much analysis. Too much bookiosis. When have we ever applied the rules? We analyse things based on rules that we were taught by the very people who are breaking them. The sooner we realise that the better for everyone. There will be no application of written rules here. Only the unwritten rules of power, privilege combined with all the confusion in the legal system because when the laws were written, no one ever really expected a First Lady to thump someone.
ZIFF and IIFF are on this week. Yay to that. Glad they finally came together and I hope they can make something good of their union. Maybe the next thing is to amalgamate names. ZIFFIIFF maybe? Well, at least we know that for this year IIFF ZIFF happens IIFF happens too.
Finally, we were wondering why Soul Jah Luv was running around like crazy and performing all over the show. Now we have an answer. He was trying to raise money for lobola. Over the weekend, we’ve learnt that he parted with US$9,000 to claim his girlfriend, Bounty Lisa, as a wife. The most interesting thing about family business when you’re an artist is that zvemanyemwe zvinosara padoor. When it comes to family they call you by your real name. Remember when Stunner and Olinda fought. In that video where Olinda was making her first reveal about Stunner, everyone was saying ‘Desmond, Desmond’ and ‘Dezi, Dezi‘ and it hit all the fans that gara zviya, zve Tazoita Mari ndezvepastage chete. Kuden anotonzi Dezi nhai?
